Misadventures

Misadventures

Sylvia Smith

Language: English

Pages: 208

ISBN: 1841950955

Format: PDF / Kindle (mobi) / ePub


Part memoir, part comic monologue, this is an ensemble of mishaps and anecdotes that, taken together, reveals the ups and downs of one woman's life. Relentlessly self-deprecating, Sylvia Smith's diary at first seems to relay the humdrum, everydayness of living, yet it steadily gains momentum as a darker undertone gathers force. Interspersed between humorous tales of first-date disasters and "get-rich-quick" schemes gone awry, the reader is thrown off-balance by the loss of sexual innocence and a pervading sense of loneliness. As Sylvia stumbles from one temporary job to another, and through a variety of furnished flats, her deadpan delivery is shot through with moments of sandpaper-dry wit.

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glancing around the room. He finished his dinner and left our table to join two unknown foreign girls seated in another part of the restaurant. At the end of the evening he returned to pay his bill and left with the girls, taking them to our hotel. He persuaded his room-mate to squeeze into another room with two other men from our party and John spent the night having sex with both women. On our return to London the following morning he slept the entire journey on the coach, only waking when we

minutes. Since you are now conscious do you reckon you can let me in this time?’ I replied, ‘Yes, of course,’ as Jenny slammed the phone down. I replaced the receiver and I laughed and laughed. I let Jenny in when she rang the doorbell. She was still very annoyed and stormed down the hallway into the kitchen. She sat down at the long wooden table and clutched her back and groaned, ‘Oh, I ache like hell.’ She said, ‘Lynne’s floor was very uncomfortable.’ She winced with pain again and I laughed

and you go for coffee?’ I looked round at him and replied, ‘No, thank you. I’m going shopping.’ He asked, ‘Me help you?’ As it would soon be the New Year and I was out to have some fun I took a good look at him. I saw he was smartly dressed in a heavy tracksuit and quite handsome, so I said, ‘Okay.’ I continued walking and Ali followed me. I picked up one of the wire baskets outside the store and he took it from me. We walked slowly through the aisles as I filled the basket he was carrying. My

the house topless. If she met James or me she would say ‘Excuse me,’ and cover her bare bosom with her arm. James was extremely bad-tempered. If either Roogie or I asked him to fix something he would do the job, usually very minor, but it would anger him. Both Roogie and James thought it quite normal to have a flaming row, calling each other names, then three hours later resume friendly terms as though nothing had happened. We soon found we had a cat problem. If we left the house without

became a fat Italian mamma. 1963 GLORIA Gloria and I both worked as secretaries in a chartered accountants in the City of London. I was eighteen. She was twenty. Gloria and I shared an office and we would chat to each other as we worked. She told me, ‘At my last job the accommodation wasn’t up to very much and we had single toilets in the passageways. One day one of the male clerks went to the loo. The door was unlocked so he opened it and saw one of the Directors sitting on the

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